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My awesomeness can not be defeated … not even by my pessimism

April 14, 2012

There’s a version of yourself that (in your mind) performs at a certain level, and then there the version of yourself that’s actually performing. Sometimes the two of them just aren’t going to agree with one another.

I can’t say that runs like the one I had tonight are some of my favorites, but I don’t seem to hate them as much as I used to. In fact, even with as rough of a beating as my ego took, I still managed to pull off both my best average and overall times. Imagine how much time I could have shaved if I hadn’t had to walk damn near half of those three miles.

15 1/2 is far better than where I began, but it’s still more than three minutes shy of my average goal. So it looks like I will be eating a BBQ sandwich full of 12-minute words this weekend.

I could feel down about it. In fact, I did before I looked at the stats. Even though my record times were unintentional and unexpected, I’m too much of a narcissist to not take some pride in them. Still, I guess I should explain why I didn’t expect this.

As much as it pains me to set my ego aside and admit, the morning I spent last weekend getting reacquainted with my friend the shovel put a hurting on me. I woke up Saturday morning with hurt muscles I’d forgotten I had. I was mostly good after a day or so (other than my left elbow and lower back), but I still had to cut my runs down to two this week. Other than that, every run has become a bigger challenge since I started working to improve my times.

Each time I start out, I know that I have a goal that day of 3.1 miles and that I’m working each day to bring my time closer to 30 minutes overall. Still, I feel like these sessions are much less structured since finishing C25K. Maybe it’s just in my head though. I was more tired than usual tonight. (sleepy tired, not exhausted tired) Plus, I just wasn’t really “feeling it” by the end. Any “just keep going” encouragement I gave myself tonight was more out of just being ready to be finished than trying for a sense of accomplishment.

The tempo playlist I built has obviously been helping, but my legs keep involuntarily dropping out of overdrive and walking on their own. I don’t mind it so much when they take over and keep running, but this “OK, we’re gonna walk now whether you’re cool with it or not” shit has got to stop. My ego and pride are taking big hits each time it happens. I’m pretty sure they’d both thank me if I took them back to flat ground just once.

Tomorrow’s another day, and Monday’s another week. And now it’s time for pills, pages in a book and pillows.

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