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New year, New You … No Thanks

January 9, 2015

After a week of sobriety, what I’ve learn so far is that it’s pretty goddamned awful.

It’s not that I’m just an addict bitching about not being allowed my preferred vice, but that’s pretty much what it is. But if I were to attempt to descriptively construct a less pitiful account, it might go something like this.

The first annoyance is that there’s simply a fucking rule that says, “You fucking can’t.” And the fact that it’s a self-imposed rule doesn’t make it any more tolerable. Quite the opposite if you really want to know. If you’re not the one who made the rule, then you can just apply “the whole of the law” and do what you want. But when you’re the idiot who decided to put said guideline in place, by choosing to ignore it you become both a liar and a little bitch. Luckily for me, life has afforded me many opportunities over the years to develop the patience of a Buddhist monk, and I’ve got pride in spades. Both my honesty and man cards are safe.

Still, the mantra of “You chose this” remains a constant undercurrent, restlessly flowing beneath the calm surface I’m attempting to maintain. Ever reminding me that in 22 days, we won’t be doing this again. At least not for a good long while.

The second bit of truth you discover is that inebriates aren’t the problem (if you have one). The problem is all your own bullshit. All the stuff you normally just shove down and then act like you have some answers. “We’re not dealing with that today. I’ve got shit to do.” You’re able to ignore it all most of the time through bacchanalian exploits, which when taken away force you to sit in the room with it all while the two of you stare at each other, waiting to see which one of you is going to say something first.

I’m not saying that you should just keep ignoring you’re demons (whatever they may be). Simply acknowledging they’re there is far more healthy than pretending they’re not. What I am saying is that we’re all fucked up on some level, and learning to cohabitate with the darker things in your life takes a while to master. That’s why we have gifts like alcohol and … let’s just say “chocolate” since there might be children reading this at some point, but I think we all know what I mean. They let you take a little vacation from all the bullshit. Decompression is good. So is moderation … in moderation. That’s really fucking cliche, but it’s true.

The other thing currently giving me withdrawals (and this one is completely my fault too) is my self-imposed hiatus from Facebook. I had no idea how much I was addicted to that little blue & white icon on my phone. I really can’t say that I’ve actually “wanted” a drink this week, but ALL I wanted to do the first three days was check my newsfeed. I’d wager that none of you reported anything of real importance, but I still needed to see what kind of tacos you had for lunch and which sports team you were mad about. Unlike alcohol, Facebook IS the fucking problem. It’s changed us, but that’s a whole other topic for a whole other day.

I might be finishing my month of sobriety out of spite, but I’m finishing my Facebook hiatus because I actually AM addicted to it. Hopefully my time away will lessen it’s grip a little. It’s rough because I still have to log on everyday (every weekday at least), because I run the site for my shop, and because it’s changed us and the way we interact with each other, some of my customers place orders via FB Messenger. If you’ve sent me a message or comment, I promise to get back with a response. For now though, I just keep ignoring the little red (currently) 60-something at the top of my page long enough to log onto the shop account, handle what needs to be handled, and then close the window before I’m tempted to click on anything non-work related.

Right now some of you might be saying, “But Adam, I’m reading this, because I clicked a link you posted in a status update.”

Well, I set this mother up to autopost a loooooooooong time ago, and I don’t really remember how I did it, much less how to turn it off, only to have to turn it back on in a week or three. So you can make an issue out of it if you want, but you can also kiss my temporarily tea-totaling ass.

There’re a few other new things I’d like to try over the coming months, but none of them are going to involve stoping anything or taking something away. Strictly for scientific reasons, I’d like to see what a solid month of being drunk would be like … to compare notes and shit. But, like Facebook, I’ve become addicted to things like eating and sleeping indoors, and I think a 30-day bender might be a bit counterproductive to those things.

Enjoy your weekend, and have a cold one for me.


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